Do you remember the old saying, "You are what you eat?" Well, I agree... accept my version is little different. My version goes like this, "You are a product of where you've come from!" In fact, I've even gone so far to say, "If you don't know where I've been, you don't know where I'm coming from." Of course, there are exceptions to every rule to some degree.
I come from a pretty jaded past but myself am not jaded. However, I am still a product of where I've come from. I find it hard to trust, I don't like for people I don't know to touch my skin, I'm extremely protective of those I love and care about... to the point of..... well, I won't go there! Often, I find myself fighting the urge to alter my state of consciousness (to date, a battle I have won---except for a 7 year bout with 'Speed'). I'm very suspisious when people seeming want to do nice things for me for no apparent reason. And trust me, there are a whole host of other quirks that make up 'me'. While on the other hand, I'm quite functional in the midst of a crowd (although it's a position I hate to be in). I'm intellegent and witty... usually the life of the party! I have unbounding compassion for the 'underdog' in any situation. I usually find myself rooting for the crooks in a movie because I'm always asking, "I wonder what's hurting him/her."
Based on the minimum amount of information I've shared, do you think you know who or what I am? You guessed it! I was once a victim, but am now a Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse. Before I go any further though I would like to share a poem I wrote approximately 22 years ago when I wasn't nearly as well adjusted as I am today. Feel free to peer into the 'me' I used to be:
All Downside-Up!
Some say ‘O-O-O you’re sexy
others think, ‘hmm you’re cute’
I’m Smart yet I feel so dumb
Intellectual! But often I feel so stupid
Appear abrasive & calloused
As sensitive than a child
Always– I wear a smile
Inside– aching with a frown
Usually I seem happy
Am consumed with sadness
Have Never I met a stranger except in myself
Wouldn’t hesitate to challenge –ANYONE
posing a threat to someone I love
But who will fight for me?
A foreign land is this world
Yet familiar enough to eek out an existence
My heart cries constantly for the pain of others
So why do I hate myself so?
Laughter permeates my countenance
While loneliness saturates my being
Admired by so many
Yet I trust so few
Crave an end to the madness
Yet I'm right at home in the chaos
Determined I am... Never to resign from life
But I hate waking up every day
Who in the name of God am I?
Why don’t I fit?
Where do I really belong?
When will it all end?
So creatively disguised in my insanity
Who’ll discern that I need help?
Anger & bitterness are my motivations to live & fight
Yet speckled with love & compassion
Tainted by violence & hatred
But never will I do this to another
Often I feel so confused
But deep, deep inside
I am certain that God truly knows my pain & He cares
My search for the profound meaning of my life
will always lead UP
I realize my true identity will Only be found thru knowing Him better –
That space of complete, unadulterated Trust & peace...
That place ........................ where God is!
SyD ©1982
Welcome to the 'World' of a victim/survivor of Sexual Abuse/Assault. If nothing I have penned in my blog helps you to understand why I strive so hard to protect the innocense of children.... this should. Please teach, train and equip your children to be able to avoid sexual predators. Empower them with the Confidence to 'TELL' when a-n-y-o-n-e inappropriately solicits them or makes them feel uncomfortable. Should you desire to read my autobiography, "I Can't Stop Now!", where my childhood experiences are spelled out in detail, you may order a copy at: http://www.empoweryourchild.info/
"A Safe Child Is An Emotionally Healthy Child"
Have A Wonderful Day,
Sarah Davis, Child Advocate & Network Marketer
If U Follow... I Will Lead
Network Marketing Coach - http://www.icoach4success.info/
Twitter - http://www.twitter.com/icoach4success
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Skype: syddzen
Forward Ever... Backward Never!
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